Two Years Since Birth
Today is Theo's second birthday.
Last night I was asked what my most memorable 'Theodore' memory was from the past year, and I'm kindaaaa embarrassed to say that I had a hard time coming up with one. This past year has been full of memories FOR SURE. But of Theo alone...? I'm coming up blank.
plus with #mombrain thinking, remembering and communicating is hard anyways.
The reality is, this past year was all about Olive. I found out I was pregnant (again) when Theo turned six months old. I was six months pregnant at his first birthday party, and he was 14+ months when we brought the queen home to live with us.
If you're a parent, you know the first few months with a new baby are all about survival. Month one-three? Blurry at best. So looking back, I basically had months four, five and six to soak up the experience of singleton motherhood. That is, before the bomb dropped that I would be having another baby. And soon.
It's actually pretty heavy to think back on.
I struggle A LOT wondering whether I'm doing the right thing for my children. I honestly have no idea what I am doing, but somehow, as a family, we keep on trucking along and figuring it out as we go.
Last week, J sent me the notes he took on his cell phone of the days before and after Theodore's birth. Reading through them brought back so many memories—good and bad—but more importantly, it took me back to a place where it was just us.
Just the three of us.
And to a time when we were 100% completely and utterly devoted to YOUR every need.
Theo's birth was definitely not the ethereal, peaceful water birth we hoped for, but hey! what can ya do?
Ummmmmm, an edited version?
Due to a poorly positioned baby, and meconium in my waters, I requested an epidural shortly into established labor. The back pain was just C O M P L E T E L Y unmanageable. And even with the epidural, I was still in an immense amount of pain.
Fast forward about ten hours—
Pushing took about 90 minutes, and ultimately Theo was born with some help from a doctor. Turns out poor Theo was being held hostage; the umbilical cord was wrapped all around his neck and body, keeping him trapped inside.
After a quick slap on the back from the pediatrician, he was placed in my arms. Exactly where he was meant to be.
Our first child. Our wee baby boy.
Our after-birth wasn't what I expected either...
Breastfeeding issues left me stuck in the ward (with four other moms—and their babies—only separated by a sheet wall) for 4 days, while dads were only allowed to "visit" from 9AM-9PM.
Let's just say those were some seriously hard, and depressing times for your Mommy Dearest.
Eventually, we were all discharged and sent home to start our life as a family of three. And although breastfeeding never worked for us, formula worked a treat (!!!), and I never looked back.
Finally, everyone started enjoying those hazy newborn days. <3
And we've been enjoying every day (almost?)with you ever since!
So, my darling Theodore—
Things are different now. We are four instead of three, but I want you to know that your birth has changed our lives profoundly, and in a way that no other subsequent child could ever replicate. You will alway be our first child, our first love, and our love for you is endless. I hope you always know how desperately we adore you.
Happy 2nd Birthday!
Love, mom (& dad)